Breathing

This morning, we did Mike Chang’s Flow exercise, Day 15 of his 30 Day Challenge. The breath work at the end was the standard 3 minutes, in and out through the mouth, focusing on the inhale over the exhale structure. Then, at the end, instructed to inhale, hold, I did so. 

The instructions that followed reminded of the different “locks” I’ve learned. So, I squeezed my perineum muscle tight. As tight as I could. Stoned, I did so with an unbridled focus. 

Tapping into the slipstream of flow, it was me, a tall, sitting pillar, the seat of my being rooted to the ground and my spine like a needle on a compass pointing North to the sky suspended in magnetism. I squeezed the perineum without losing it. It can be a slippery fish. I’ve been practicing though, and kept hold. My body felt like a rocket ship, compact and full of potential energy. 

Locking

Then, as some time mounted, I brought my chin to its nook in the chest, a “chin lock”, my breath still held in suspense. I was lost in time. This double lock taps into something and I forget that I need to breathe. 

I become like a fish breathing through my gills. I feel the energy from my squeezed perineum, rise up like a channel, all the way to my throat, pinging the chin lock. My eyes closed, I see a big botch of white light behind my eyelids. 

Flicker. 

I see a beautiful image that appears M.C. Escher-esque. It is the silhouette of a leaf, against a backdrop, which appears as if it could be in the foreground or background, an inverted inversion. I hold this image, studying it so I can recreate it later. 

Outside the silhouette is a black and white checkered pattern, like a tiled floor collapsing out of 3D into 2D the further it spills away from the central image of the leaf. 

The image fades into the blotch of bright, white sun rays pouring in behind my eyelids. 

Cascade of Sensations

I feel different parts of the area around the perineum flex with it as it grows like a wave wherever it touches. I move it around slowly where I please, stimulating the skin where I direct this wave of flexed motion. It feels pleasure-full. 

I am brought back to when I practiced Kegels in my college lectures, wondering if I could make myself orgasm. Here I was, giving myself a rolling auto-orgasm, incredible. It had a different attitude to it than a sexual one. It felt more like a huge ball of energy, cascading around, fireworks. 

Climax

Singularly focused, I felt myself like a lightning rod, charged, sitting spine floating to the ceiling like a strand of hair in static electricity. I was lifting from my lap as if a string was pulling the top of my head to the sky. 

My breath held this entire time within an infinite silence, I hear a voice resume and speak closing words to the exercise; I slowly draw my hands toward my root.  As I do so, my electric hands are feeling hot and connect with the buzzing energy from my squeezed perineum and a heat storm brews between the three in my lap.

I cup my hands adjacent to but not touching the area, simply noticing this space and what’s occurring, paying attention, flexing my perineum, and holding my breath. Something triangulates and it grows into a steady climax, sending a shudder and shockwave through me. The voice closes out the meditative exercise and I inhale my breath, opening my eyes. Wow … 

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